Misunderstanding
by Kiyoi.Aiyoku
Summary: In the 6th division's office on a hot summer day, Byakuya and Renji have a few misunderstandings about each other, both unbeknownst to the other. My second fic. T for now, M probably to come. Rating Now increased to M
1. The Doe

A/N: It's been quite a long time since I've attempted to write a fanfic, I've spent the last week or so trying to finish a story that I started about 3 years ago (it was my first and only fic so far)… It was my goal to finish that before I posted anything new but this idea came to me this morning and practically wrote itself, so I just *have* to post it.

So for this being my second fic, I hope you enjoy it and find it worthy of your reviews ^.^

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything associated with it.

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><p>I am at a loss.<p>

I have certainly pushed him beyond the point of confusion.

As I sit here, alone in our office, I quietly contemplate my recent actions. I have even confused myself. It is unbecoming of myself and my position to be confused, I am determined to figure this out.

He comes in from a training session with the squad, slightly dis-shelved but still trying to properly present himself, because he thinks that's what I want him to do. He sits at his desk and leans back in his chair. Momentarily forgetting my presence, he removes his bandana and hair tie to shake his hair out and release the gathered heat. He rubs the bandana across his sweat-drenched chest where his loosened shihakusho allows his toned chest to peek through.

I was once free to behave like him. His loose, wild crimson tresses scream out to me, reminding me that, personality wise, I am only a shadow of my former self. I'm slightly envious of Renji's behavioral freedom so I scoff at his actions. Of course, he takes this the wrong way and quickly situates himself. I silently scold myself for ending the show he was unknowingly putting on for me. I wonder how far the younger male would go in my presence if I could control myself long enough to let him be natural, unrestrained.

This wandering of my mind is a silent torture. I cannot explain it; that only succeeds in making it more difficult to bear. It could have stemmed from envy, I think for a moment before pondering other possibilities. It seems that no matter what he does, no matter how restrained he is, a portion of his true self shines through in everything he does. It makes me wonder if he ever _could_ be fully restrained, not that I want him to be, not anymore.

The hot day drags on slowly, around midafternoon the heat begins to get to Renji again. He discreetly pulls at the collar of his shihakusho in an attempt to loosen the fabric from his flushed upper body. I wish I had the freedom to relieve myself of the wretched heat as he does, but I must set an example. I can see Zabimaru's markings on the now visible part of his chest. I wonder to myself just how far those markings reach, if there is a place they've yet to touch, if there's any part of him to still be claimed.

Images dance through my mind with that thought, fantasies maybe. I can see Renji dressed in a bright yukata, walking through the wild, feral part of the world. Nearing a stream, he allows the yukata to slip from his shoulders and fall to the ground. Renji belongs here, bare, untamed, powerful, like the tiger who rules his jungle. Zabimaru's presence on his body only makes him all the more fitting of this uninhabited place. Though the scenery is beautiful, Renji still manages to stand out. I want to visit this place with him and see him in his natural habitat, watch him as he cools off in the stream.

My own thoughts shock me slightly. I must have done something, made a noise or moved suddenly, because again my visual pleasure is stripped from my view. I find myself wondering if Renji hates me, if he will ever see me as anything more than a statistical goal to surpass. He reminds me so much of my younger self, I would have hated a man that behaves the way I do now.

I used to be very strict with Renji, pointing out all of his mistakes and punishing him for them. Now Renji apologizes before I have the chance to punish him; rarely do I even need to vocalize his mistakes, I just look at him and he knows what he's done. I feel slightly guilty for making him this way, like a trained puppy really. This is why I cannot watch Renji anymore. It is my own fault that he stops his tantalizing actions before I've had my fill.

I cannot help myself any longer. A small stack of paperwork as my excuse, I rise from my seat and walk over to his desk. Standing behind him, I place the papers beside him. My position requires me to lean close to him; I can smell his natural scent that is unique to him. I then realize that I lingered just a moment too long; Renji is frozen in place, afraid to move.

As I return to standing, pulling my hand back, I brush my fingers lightly across his bandana that is still draped over the back of his chair. He sighs slightly once I'm fully standing, relieved to be rid of me. My curiosity peaks as I feel the hidden print on the inside of the cloth. I cannot ask him about it, that would make my hidden desires clear. Instead I return to my own desk, a plan already forming in the back of my mind.


	2. The Tiger

A/N: This chapter was a bit harder to write, surprisingly. I always imagined that Byakuya would be more difficult to write than Renji but I found it to be quite the opposite. I did my best to try to keep him in character while sticking to the theme of the story; I hope I did a sufficient job. If not, tips on improving would be greatly appreciated! I hope to try to write more Renji in the future to help myself with effectively writing different personality types.

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><p>Sword skill training – my favorite of the field training days with the squad. Today was good, the new recruits are getting the hang of things and our seated members are making steady progress.<p>

I walked into the office after training; I knew I was a mess so my greeting to Taicho was quick and simple. He didn't respond so I rushed to my desk to get started on today's paperwork. It still bothers me that he doesn't even greet me half the time that I see him. It's like I'm not even worthy of his words or attention, just like the dirt under his feet, still. He doesn't even bother to tell me I've made mistakes most of the time now. He just expects me to notice them and correct them myself. The heat today wasn't helping my attempt to behave properly for Taicho.

Sure I could have went and took a shower and changed clothes, but then I'd have been late. I could feel the heat pooled around my head, held in by my hair. I leaned back in my chair, relishing in the cool breeze from the window. I pulled my hair tie out and took off my bandana to shake the heat from my head. The release felt so good I forgot where I was for a moment and wiped some of the sweat from my chest with my bandana. I turned to drape it over the back of my chair and noticed Taicho, displeasure clear on his delicate features.

I sat up straight and got to work in an attempt to remove that reaction from his face. I wondered how he kept it together so easily when this heat seemed to have the power to break anything down. That I can't even begin to comprehend how he keeps his composure probably has something to do with why I behave like nothing more than the stray dog that I am. _Taicho must hate me,_ I thought to myself.

I am nothing like Taicho, he's graceful, delicate, gentile, and beautiful, all in his own unique way. He's the personification of the word noble. Everything about him is centuries beyond me. I often wonder if Taicho will ever see me as a human, or at least as more than a wild animal. Sometimes I even wish he would…

He alone has filled my thoughts and desires for decades. Maybe I wouldn't have let my desires morph into something entirely different than what they began as, if only I has _his_ level of control. If I could control myself, like him, I wouldn't allow myself to let my goal to waiver, fade, and change.

I can picture him on a moonlit night, in a perfectly manicured garden, stealing all the glory from his surroundings with a natural ease. I can see myself breaking into his scene of serenity and defiling his perfect garden, his perfect nobility, his perfect body. This is what I have been reduced to. My desire to surpass him is no longer limited to the battlefield. I want to make him whimper in defeat, scream my name, and quiver beneath my touch.

My thoughts are raw, feral, wild; I can feel the heat building in my body again. I pull at my collar a bit to let some of the heat out while I attempt to reign in my thoughts. He gasps quietly from where he's sitting, looking at me out of the corner of his eye, almost as if my thoughts had been projected across the room for him to hear. We both return to our work, me trying to hide the slight blush creeping up on my cheeks, him as if he'd never stopped to begin with.

Moments later, I can hear the shuffle of paper, and then I feel his presence behind me. He leans over me to place a small stack of papers on my desk. He lingers for just a second, long enough for me to deeply smell his sweet, unique scent. Senbonzakura is not visible on his body, in the way Zabimaru is on mine. Still, the sweet scent of cherry blossoms follows Taicho everywhere he goes; it's practically fused into his reiatsu. His own natural scent combined with Senbonzakura's scent is teasing to my senses. I remain as still as I can in an effort to allow him to linger a bit more, like a doe in the forest, I don't want to scare him with movement.

I can't hold back a small sigh when he finally stands, I already miss his presence. I can almost _feel_ him smile slightly behind me, as if he were teasing me, rubbing it in my face that I'll never be worthy of him. This fills me with a newfound rage; I must continue to try to be stronger than him. Maybe he'll acknowledge me then…


	3. My Façade

A/N: So here's an update. I hope you enjoy it lots! As always, I greatly appreciate your reviews and support! Enjoy the inner ramblings of Byakuya, hopefully he's appropriately in character!

I have doubts about pursuing this plan. I cannot justify doing what I intend to do. This is different than happening upon a conversation and simply waiting until the most opportune time to make my presence known, this is deliberate, intentional. For only a fleeting moment I wonder if Renji were a woman, would I be having such doubts. No, if Renji were a woman, these thoughts would not occur at all. It is _because_ Renji is not a woman that I have felt the freedom to fantasize. I do not believe I have it in myself to love another woman in that way, not after Hisana.

Renji is her polar opposite; rough, loud, impulsive, brash, vulgar, strong, wild, feral – all things Hisana was not. I wonder if I can teach him to respect me the way he has learned to fear and obey me, maybe even develop an affection for me. I want his free spirit to run wild again; I want to _see_ it run wild, _feel_ it run wild.

These impulses have become troublesome. It is my hope that satisfying my curiosity about this man will settle my inner imbalance. I need to abandon these thoughts and move on, regain control. He has shaken me to the core; I can feel the disturbances even in my inner world.

I know that Renji has a social drinking engagement tonight, so it's the perfect time to pursue my plan. I know that if I wait until next week's engagement I will have abandoned my plan by then. For a reason unknown to myself, I think that satisfying this burning curiosity will help me regain my control, rebuild my inner walls that he seems to have unknowingly breached.

The late afternoon sun made its presence exceedingly clear; Renji was starting to fidget around again. I begin to put things into action immediately.

"Abarai," I allow my voice to break through the silence of the office. Renji instantly stops fidgeting and sits up straight again, I can feel his only mildly tamed reiatsu tingle against my skin when I say his name.

"H-hai Taicho?" he responds, his voice a bit shaky, I scold myself; I hate to see Renji react that way towards me. A man with Renji's character should tremble before no one.

"You may leave now, if you wish to do so." He looked at me slightly in shock; it is very rare that I allow him leave early after all. "Go on now," I encourage him. "I have business to attend to tonight myself; I will be leaving shortly as well."

"Hai Taicho! Arigatou!" he bows deeply before he exits the room.

I am pleased that my encouragement worked, that he didn't make a big deal out of it. Though something inside of me already misses his presence, I finish the remaining work for the day without distraction. With the first stage of my plan complete, I leave the division and head toward my manor to begin the second stage of my plan.

I dismiss all of my guards and servants for the remainder of the day, it's not something I do often but I have done it in the past so they graciously accept the evening of freedom. It took a bit more time than I expected to find all of my house workers and dismiss them all but I still had plenty of time before the sun would set. I waited patiently in my personal quarters for the workers to finish the things they had been in the middle of doing and leave.

Once I was certain the last one had left, I removed all of my status symbols: my captain's haori, my kenseikan, my scarf, my zanpakutou. I locked these precious items in a kidou chest that was hidden under a small table; no one would be here to look after them. Though I normally wouldn't leave so many precious items unguarded and together in this manner, it was a necessary precaution.

I couldn't risk anyone knowing what I was doing; gossip is too popular a past-time in soul society. I knew if I were to leave my manor without any of my immediate identifiers that the word would travel, certainly someone would be curious about my intentions and follow me. A noble is always being watched, that is why I need to carry out my plans in private. I simply cannot let word get around that I am… conducting a personal and private review of my lieutenant for the sake of my division. This could most certainly _not_ be considered breaking and entering and stalking as a currently nameless voice in my head suggested! _Hmph!_

All I could do now was wait for the sun to set. As I continued to attempt to justify my plans during that time, I wondered why Senbonzakura would suggest _against_ something that could help me move past this disturbance; surely he could feel the disruption inside my inner world.

"_Byakuya-sama," _his words interrupted my thoughts. _"It could be possible that you're looking at this the wrong way. Is it really an unpleasant disturbance that you wish to be rid of or is it a change you cannot get enough of even though you are unable to come to terms with it?"_

"_What exactly are you implying?" _My reply was silent.

"_It's really not so bad in here Byakuya-sama; actually the blossoms are especially fragrant. It quite reminds me of your younger days."_

I pushed Senbonzakura's ramblings from the front of my mind; clearly, Renji was making _him_ crazy too. These feelings simply had to be resolved; they were causing me to behave erratically. Erratic behavior is much more difficult to keep hidden from the public than normal, predictable, controlled behavior.

Finally, the sun has set. I can begin putting my plans into action.


	4. My Curiosity

A/N: Again, I thought it was a bit more difficult to write Renji's PoV than Byakuya's PoV but I seem to write the Renji chapters much more quickly; though it is my goal to post them together since they cover nearly the same time frame.

Taicho is a complicated man. Yoruichi always tells me that in his younger days, he was a lot like me. I think she knows how I feel about him; I think she knew before I even did. I'm still not even certain of myself yet. I can picture him being mischievous; he does have a sense of humor, after all, even if his sense of humor is terrible. I mean come on… who makes jokes about cutting their hair with a sword! But I have a hard time picturing Taicho being stubborn or hot tempered, he's too perfect for that.

As the afternoon heat continued to creep up, I found it to be harder and harder to sit still. Taicho still sat perfectly as if the temperature were perfect too. I'm literally dripping sweat and I don't see a single drop of sweat on him. It would be a huge treat to see Taicho hot and bare except for a sheen of sweat over his perfect body. Moisture dripping from head to toe… crossing his chest, which I'm sure is perfectly toned, running down his muscular thighs, dripping from his ma-

"Abarai," his stern voice interrupted my mental image. I can feel something tingle inside of me when he says my name.

"H-hai Taicho?" my reply wasn't what I hoped, my voice shook slightly when I spoke. I wondered if I said something, or if Taicho had recently learned to read minds, it seemed he interrupted me every time I was having a fantasy about him lately.

"You may leave now, if you wish to do so." It took me a second to fully register what Taicho said, it wasn't normal for him to let me leave early, especially on a day I'd not behaved perfectly. Shock must have been clear in my face because he continued before I could say anything. "Go on now. I have business to attend to tonight myself; I will be leaving shortly as well."

We were almost completely caught up on division work so it must have to do with his clan. I took his offer as a way to get me out of the way early, not as a privilege I'd earned. Either way it was a bit of a blessing, I'd almost forgot I was supposed to meet with the guys for drinks tonight.

"Hai Taicho! Arigatou!" I bowed in thanks before I left.

Since I got off early I knew I had time to go to my personal home before heading out to meet the guys but I stopped in my division quarters on the way. Of all the squads, the 6th division has the nicest living quarters, at least I like ours the best. However, most of the seated officers make enough money to have their own home somewhere away from the division. We all use our quarters though, for a change of clothes when needed, a quick meal, and a place to sleep while on duty. The garden here is one of my favorite; Kuchiki-taicho's workers do a good job maintaining it.

As I walked down the hall to my room, I tried to remember if I'd ever seen Taicho use his division quarters. His room was at the end of the center hall, you could see the large division symbol on his door as soon as you entered the hall. In the other halls, there were usually utility closets, public baths, and public kitchens at the ends. The center hall was reserved for seated officers and didn't need public utilities, each room had their own.

As with most of the other divisions, the lieutenant and 3rd seat officer's rooms surrounded the captains. As I reached my door, I considered taking a quick peek at Taicho's room. There was a chance I'd be seen though, the living quarters were always busy. I abandoned the thought and went inside to get my keys and a few thing I had been needing to take home. As I was about to leave, I remembered something.

There is a service door in every room, connected to a rarely used service hall. I couldn't resist the temptation. I locked my door and rushed to the service door connecting my room to the empty hall. I peered out the door; I had to be certain it was empty. I didn't expect anyone to be in it, but I still felt lucky when I confirmed that it was empty.

The door to Taicho's room had a lock on it, of course. Anyone with service rights has a key to these types of locks, being the lieutenant of the division, I have keys to nearly everything the division is involved in. I slid the small metal charm bearing the 6th division symbol across the key reader and the locked clicked a few times, signaling that it was okay to enter.

I hesitated for a moment but curiosity stormed inside of me. I slowly slid the door open and stepped into the dark room. I knew better than to touch anything, if I did Taicho would know I was here. The room was both simple and luxurious, an unexpected combination, yet still fitting of Taicho. I wanted to stay but I didn't want to leave traces of myself, I was too filthy from the hot day, this wasn't the time for this. I knew I'd come back.

With a bit of my curiosity satisfied I left the room with plans to come back, I had to get going anyways if I wanted to make it to my own home before the sun set and get to the bar with the guys earlier than usual.


	5. The Wrong Decision

A/N: I'm not entirely certain that Byakuya is in character enough in the chapter, I feel as if I've strayed a bit. I _do_ realize that it may be a bit of an off the wall concept for Byakuya to even be doing this but I thought it would be fun to write ^.^ Not to even mention the future troubles it could create for him! I do hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, I'd love to hear what you thought! Did you like it? How could I improve? Thank you for reading and a special thanks to the followers and commenters I've gathered so far!

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><p>There was a cool darkness cast over Soul Society, quite a contrast from the scorching heat of the day. I reveled in the cool breeze under the moon's silent protection of the night as I pulled the dark hood that was covering my head closer to my face. I felt naked and fully exposed while walking the streets without a single status symbol showing. It was as if I were bearing my entire soul to the streets.<p>

I absently wondered if Renji and Rukia had felt this way when they were younger, struggling to survive the harshness of reality. I kept mostly to the shadows on my way to the division quarters. Both to attempt to remain hidden from the ever-watching eyes and to comfort myself in the blindness of the dark, the shadows were my sanctuary. The closer I got to my first destination the more my anticipation grew. I could feel the mischief that was once a normal part of my life creeping up on me; it was as if the child I'd been suppressing inside of me was making his way to the surface.

The quarters were quiet; it was only to be expected of _my_ division, we were one of the most well behaved in all of Soul Society, after all. I easily slipped into the center hall without being noticed and made my way to my own rarely used division quarters. As expected, nothing was out of place when I went inside. It took me a moment to notice it but I could faintly sense that someone had recently been here. I could not tell who, the reiatsu trace in the air was too faint, but I was certain someone had been here. I stood still for a moment trying to take in my surroundings in a more fine detail; certainly if someone took the trouble of coming into my room they'd have touched _something,_ that would have left a more clear trace of reiatsu. My search concluded with no results so I pushed the thought from my mind, I would deal with this later, I had limited time to accomplish my tasks tonight.

I slowly made my way into the service hall and to the door that led to Renji's room. I hesitated again, knowing fully how wrong this was. I should handle the problem directly, face it head on like any other problem. Something so simple should not have the ability to rattle me so thoroughly; affection is a simple concept, even the most unintelligent people are capable of experiencing it. As a noble I should have more control over such a basic part of life. _Basic…_the thought lingered as such for a moment. _Fundamental…_

No, the fundamentals of life include discipline, sustenance, self-cultivation, honor, things of that nature; this is ridiculous, and completely outside of the realm of normal behavior for myself. _Sneaking through the shadows, disguising my identity, snooping…_ I cannot help but scoff at myself for this preposterous behavior. I turned away from the door, ready to abandon my plan as I considered my options.

I could have Renji transferred out of my division and simply let time handle this issue. I could suggest his promotion to captain of another division, after all he does have bankai and there are positions to be filled, that would minimize my contact with him without completely alienating him from myself. I could explain to him that he's been having a strange effect on me, that I do not understand at this point, and ask him to take some time off.

No, I cannot even consider these as options. My pride will not allow me to attempt to work around this issue; I _must_ solve the problem and move past it. Avoiding it would be weak. I returned my attention to the door that led to a small portion of Renji's world while returning, again, to the conclusion that satisfying my curiosity would help to me rid me of temptation.

I quickly opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it behind me before I had the chance to change my mind again. I was assaulted with Renji's scent and traces of his reiatsu lingering in the air as soon as I'd stepped in. I breathed in deeply both his scent and reiatsu, taking pleasure in the moment, knowing I was alone and free to do so. I looked around, noting the simplicity of the room; Renji hadn't done much to accent the furniture that was standard to the room.

It somehow felt less intrusive to be looking through this scantly used place. It was obvious that Renji came here often but it was also obvious that he didn't do much while here. The shower, kitchen, and bed seemed to be the only things that got any use at all; the sitting area was spotless and I knew from experience that Renji normally left messes in his wake. It didn't look as if the bed were really used at all but I knew he slept here on occasion, when we were extremely busy or working very late.

The most used area, the kitchen, was what I figured would be a good place to begin looking. There were very few dishes, utensils, and cooking tools, only enough for him to have a quick lunch with no guests. The cabinets were nearly bare and the refrigerator mirrored the emptiness, save for some sake, milk, and a bottle of juice. Only a few pieces of paper and writing utensils from the living world were on the table.

The bathroom proved to be a repeat of the kitchen, nearly empty. The medicine cabinet concealed a few bandages, antiseptic, aspirin, a toothbrush, and small brown bottle filled with a horrendous smelling brown liquid. There were a few black towels hanging from the towel bar, a bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap in the shower, and that was the whole of the contents of Renji's bathroom.

Moving on to the sleeping area, I discovered nothing of note. He had a few changes of clothes here, both for work and not, and that seems to be the most personal item in his entire living quarters. After that discovery I no longer felt guilty for looking through his things uninvited, I doubted he'd even notice.

This place wasn't Renji's main dwelling but I still expected to find a bit more. I found it hard to believe that such an expressive person could resist at least some simple decoration, and that was when I finally saw it. The back of the door I had entered was covered with drawings on sketch paper. Drawings of things so delicate and powerful it was hard to believe a man like Renji was capable of creating such beauty. His artistic abilities were in direct contrast to his horrendous handwriting. Two particular images caught my eye nearly instantaneously.

The first was of a tropical inspired area, the image was drawn as if something were shredding the image itself. The second image was a beautifully rendered sakura tree hanging over a pond, the moon reflected in the water; this scene focused on a figure lounging with their feet in the water caressing a tropical plant. The other images were all beautiful as well, covering everything from flowers to nudity, but none as striking as the first two I'd set my eyes on.

I truly wanted to take them with me, but I knew I could not. I now fully regretted the decision to intrude on my lieutenant's space; I could never bring up his abilities without him first revealing them to me, not without risking him knowing that I had been in his quarters without his knowledge. I spent a few more moments admiring his art before I recognized that my plan had thoroughly backfired on me, I was now fascinated with his artistic ability, an area I lacked in, though I'd never admit such a thing to anyone.

Finally realizing that I had been in Renji's quarters for nearly two hours, I decided it was time to leave. Because it was summer, the late setting sun made the nights go by so quickly; it was already nearing 11 o'clock. I decided it best to take the long way home; I needed more time to think. I abandoned all thoughts of what would have been the next stage of my plan; clearly, I had made a bad decision already.

With intentions of clearing my head while walking home slowly and alone, I never expected to run into anyone. Evidently, fate had it out for me tonight.


	6. The Right Medication

The cool night air was a bit of a shock to my still damp skin when I finally began making my way to meet up with my friends. I took my time getting to the bar, the images from the fantasies I'd had in the shower were still fresh in my mind. They had been wonderful but I began to wonder why they'd become so intense and so frequent recently. I mean, sure, I've known for a while how I've felt about Taicho but I've never been able to pinpoint the exact moment things _really_ changed for me. Maybe there was no changing point; maybe he always held a special place in my heart.

Back in the academy, I remember hearing about the highly regarded Kuchiki Byakuya and how beautiful a man he was. I scoffed every time I heard someone say it; I didn't believe a man could be beautiful without looking like a woman, and everyone denied that he did. But I remember the first time I laid eyes on him, and beautiful was indeed the first word that came to mind, and it never even crossed my mind that he looked feminine, because he really didn't. Despite the hurt and hatred that he caused inside of me, the clear image of beauty and grace remained what I associated with him.

The way he walked past me as if I weren't even there, as if I didn't even exist, that's barely changed to this day. I still can't be sure this was it though. Things have started to slowly change ever since Rukia's near execution though, Taicho is making a small amount of progress, maybe that's when it changed.

"Oi! Renji!" Ikkaku called out, pulling me from my thoughts. "What's takin' ya so long? Heard ya even got off early today! Kuchiki-taicho gettin' soft on ya or somethin'?"

_Hmpf! I sure wish he was! _I thought to myself. "No, Kuchiki-taicho had something to do so he let me leave early, and what's it any of your business anyways!" I countered, realizing I had no need to explain myself to him.

"Oh Renji, don't get so worked up; it's so _unbeautiful!_ And tonight is a beautiful night, you don't want to ruin that do you?" Yumichika exclaimed enthusiastically. "Just look at that wonderful moon and the stars, not a cloud in sight!"

"Yah yah," Ikkaku snorted. "Let's go in, you can look at 'em later. Everyone's waitin' for us."

I followed the pair to the door as they bickered about exactly how they'd look at the stars later. I offhandedly caught a comment about someone on their back looking up past the other into the sky and quickly shook my head to rid myself of that image. I paused in the doorway, glancing up at the moon. _I bet Taicho is enjoying that moon tonight…_

The bar we were at was like a second home to most of us, we came here almost every week, rarely straying to other places. I plopped down on one of the zabuton near the wall so that I could lean back and stretch my legs out. I was instantly handed a cup of sake and accepted it willingly; I was ready for a break from thinking about both the pain and desire Taicho caused inside me. The bar is a small place really, every time we get our whole group gathered we take up nearly half of the place on our own. Tonight was one of those nights. I downed my first three cups of sake within minutes before I was pulled into the conversation.

"Ooh Renji!" Rangiku called, the slight flush on her cheeks indicating that she was probably half drunk already. "Did ya hear what happened ta Ikkaku the other day?" The slight slur to her words confirmed my suspicion.

"No, I haven't had any free time for days. Squad's been busy."

"You've _got_ to hear this!" she nearly squealed as she got up and came to sit next to me, up to date as always with the gossip. "Well, Yumichika was busy doi-"

"Oi, Matsumoto!" Ikkaku interrupted. "Stop tellin' that damn story!"

Rangiku gave Ikkaku a pouty look and turned back to me, ignoring his request. "As I was saying, it was bath time for the fukutaicho, and Yumichika was with me taking some papers to Shuu so Ikkaku got stuck giving her a bath. Of course, Yumi told me about it and I told Shuu. So we all went back together, we knew it would be hilarious!"

At this point Rangiku had the full attention of the whole table and she turned, leaning on the table, to address the group. I really think she loves the attention, and since she's pretty good at entertaining us we tend to indulge her. Expecting a funny story and angry aftermath, I kept my attention on her.

"So by the time we got there Ikkaku had finally just gotten her to the bathroom with the door closed so she couldn't run off, we were peeking in the window. Ikkaku was asking her to get into the tub while he turned his back, which he did, and asked her to say when she was done. She made a little splash in the water then told him it was okay to turn and threw the entire bucket, soap and all, right on his head and ran out of the room saying his bald head was extra shiny now!"

The table erupted in laughter except for the few people who weren't quite drunk yet, they just snickered a bit.

"I am NOT bald!" Ikkaku interrupted again, standing up and nearly drawing his sword before Yumichika stood up and whispered something in his ear.

"Let the lady finish her story now, it's unbeautiful to interrupt like that Ikkaku!" Yumichika chided him as they sat down. "She's just now getting to the good part."

"So Ikkaku started chasing her all over the building," Rangiku continued. "It took him a while to get her back into the bathroom but he eventually did, with a candy lure. She refused to get undressed though so Ikkaku had to help her. You should have seen the look on his face! He was so embarrassed! That's when Yachiru proudly announced, with her hand on her hips, "You're lucky this is the first naked female body you've got to see!" Ikkaku went wide eyed and fuming so that's when we stepped in."

No one could believe someone as young as her would behave like that but then everyone remembered how many years she's been around Zaraki-taicho and they suddenly found it possible, this was followed by fits of laughter. I found myself thinking that a situation like this in the Living World would somehow be viewed completely different, adults spying on a man trying to give a child a bath really did sound bad even here. Considering the orientation of the people involved and that Yachiru is really quite older than even many human adults changes things though.

The rest of the night continued in the same manner, the friendship, laughter, and comfort were enough to make you forget even the worst of problems – like the betrayal by those trusted, the loss of those loved, the unanswered love, the broken pride of a fight lost, we were all broken in some way or another. After many stories, jokes, and bottles of sake later, nearly the entire table was nothing more than a drunken heap of shinigami. It was reaching the time of night that the few non-drinking friends we all had would start showing up to drag us home. With Rukia away in the Living World, there would be no such luck for me tonight, the rest of my friends were right here, as drunk as me.

Once the crowd halved I decided it was time for me to head home. I couldn't tell if the clock on the wall read 12:00 or 2:10 in my drunken haze but I was ready to pass out either way. As I stumbled out the door my flushed body was shocked by the sudden coolness of the air, a wave of dizziness pounded over me causing me to lose my footing. I caught myself before fully falling but I managed to scrape my knee, not that I could feel the pain yet. Once I made it out of the large open area in front of the bar and into the small streets that wind through all of seireitei I was able to use the walls for support and make progress toward home more quickly.

With my senses scrambled and the pain in my knee starting to register slowly, I realized I had gotten lost. I put my back against the wall and slid down to a sitting position as the sweet scent of sakura filled my mind as I began to slow drift to sleep. Wishing that Taicho were with me, I started feeling almost sorry for myself because I knew how thoroughly unlikely that was to happen. _I really should stop drinking so much…_ I thought to myself as a wave of nausea washed over me. It felt like I'd replaced every bit of water in my body with sake, my senses all seemed to register much too late and through a thick brown screen.

I spotted a large tree nearby and decided that it would make a perfect place for a nap, it wouldn't be the first or last time I'd spend a night in a tree. On nights like this sleeping outside was a treat, and trees an old comfort, the realization gave me a sudden bust of inspiration strong enough to overpower the drunk feeling. It only lasted just long enough to jump up into the tree and find a nice thick branch to pass out on. It didn't take long at all for me to pass out and the dreams to kick in.

"_Renji…_" I heard his voice call out to me through the haze that filled my head even in my dreams. Then again, "_Renji…_" It sounded so real, so unmistakably real, even through the clutches of sleep that were overtaking me.

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><p>AN: Hope you enjoyed Renji's PoV! Questions? Suggestions? I'd love to hear from you in the comments! Thanks for those I've received so far, they're great encouragement to keep writing. Keep your eyes open for Ch. 7-8 sometime next week! (hopefully!)


	7. Dreaming Through Reality

A/N: It's finally time for an update! Even though these two chapters are out of format, I hope you'll bear with me! The reason being that if Byakuya's chapter were first, I think it would severely ruin Renji's chapter. I hope you still enjoy trying to figure out what parts of Renji's drunken dream are real and what parts are just that, a dream. Don't worry though, Byakuya's chapter will be up very soon to reveal the truths!

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><p>"<em>Renji?" I could hear his voice in my dreams; I reached out to him with my reiatsu in response. The way our reiatsu instantly intertwined and caused my skin to tingle in response confirmed that I really was dreaming, there's just no way Taicho would react to me that way.<em>

"_Renji?" he called again. This time I tried to respond and found myself unable to speak properly. Hearing him speak my given name like that was a treat that I never expected to be so desired._

"_Renji, what are you doing in a tree?" he questioned me._

"_It's the sakura Taicho…it smells just…like…you…" _

"_Come down from there this instant." _

"_Of course, Taicho. Anything you wish…" I tried to sit up but bumped my head on the branch that was just above the one I'd chosen to sleep on. I lost my balance and suddenly I was falling. I felt as if I were drowning in a sea of sake, I grasped desperately for anything above me, anything to pull me to the surface. There._

_I found it, something solid. I pulled myself up a bit, only to realize moments too late that my grip wasn't strong enough to hold on. I was falling again, but this time I wasn't in liquid. For a moment I panicked, gazing up at the lone sakura tree whose branches hung dangerously over the edge of a lifeless cliff. It seemed appropriate in a way. If Byakuya were that tree, this is what it would feel like to fall from his branches. It would be a mindless, dangerous plummet to the death to fall from a place so high that it nearly reached the heavens. Yes, that tree was a perfect imagery for Byakuya, out of reach, dangerous, noble, a solitary power, beautiful…_

_I'd fallen so far it was almost out of sight, just a silhouette in the sky now. Knowing I was nearing the ground, I wished that I were dreaming and would wake up. I wasn't ready! I still hadn't tried hard enough, I couldn't give up yet. The risk I'd take in pursuing Taicho was a great one, and the sakura tree that was now but an image in my mind had taught me that. And suddenly he was there, holding me._

_I grasped at his shihakusho, not believing that he was really there, really saving me. But he was, it was him, there was no doubting it. His gentle yet strong hold, his sweet scent, his regal features, I was lost in all that was Kuchiki Byakuya. I couldn't stop the sleep that crashed over me, his presence was too comforting to resist it._

_It felt like hours had passed. I came to with a sense of panic coursing through my entire body. I couldn't remember anything but danger and blood…his blood. I looked around, noticing that I was in the open. I staggered as I tried to get up and move to a more closed off area, certainly I'd been injured somewhere. I felt dizzy, blood loss taking its toll on me. Images of hollows flashed before my eyes, an army of Menos led by a hollow that was only a few kills away from evolving into an arrancar. We had beaten most of them back, but it wasn't without paying a price. There were still a few roaming around; luckily, there was a dark alley nearby. _

_I made my way into the darkness and hid my leaking reiatsu as best as I could. I could feel something coming, but my senses were far too scrambled to make out who or what it was. All I could do was sit in the darkness and wait for it to come into sight. Light footsteps made slow progress; they were coming directly towards me. Then suddenly, it paused, just outside of the alley that was currently my only refuge, just inside my range of vision. Byakuya!_

_He had been injured too! He shouldn't be out roaming around, he must have escaped the healers. As his lieutenant it was my duty to protect him. I gathered all of the strength that I could find within myself and rushed to pull him into the darkness with me. I pressed his body against the wall and bound his hands above his head; it might be the only way I could get him back to the 4__th__ division. I ran my hand down his arm, to his neck, and to his chest, making sure I hadn't injured him further. I kept one hand on the kidou restraint to keep feeding energy into it, to strengthen it._

"_Renji," he wasn't asking, simply stating without emotion. I was shocked at his lack of anger, of indignation. I decided that if he wasn't angry it would be okay to check his wounds more thoroughly, he'd been cut deeply across his chest. I slipped my hand into his shihakusho only to find that the bandages were missing. I explored further, looking for the wound that I was certain marred Taicho's pristine skin; it took all of my effort not to ravish him on the spot. I could tell that Taicho wanted me to stop, and I knew I should but when a small moan escaped his throat, I couldn't help but risk going further._

_I bent down, my hands traveling down the seam of his shihakusho and to his stomach. His perfect skin resonated with my desires; I couldn't help but lightly kiss the exposed flesh._

"_Taicho," I looked up, still kneeling before him. I pressed my body further into his and returned to kissing him when he didn't admonish me for my actions. This time my kisses grew hungry, filled with new desire. He tried to hide his face from me, but I wanted him to see me, wanted him to see the hunger, desire, and affection. I reached up to turn his face back towards me._

_I could feel Taicho's body respond to my attention, I was surprised but more than pleased with his reaction. He tried to hide again, and again I forced his face back to me. My desire continued to grow; the longer Taicho went without telling me to stop the more I wanted him. I moved a hand lower on his body, stopping just below his obi. I heard a small moan escape from his lips once more as I rubbed his length through his hakama._

"_Dream…ing…" I mumbled. This was just too good to be true. "I must be dreaming. Oh kami-sama…please don't let me wake up!"_

_Suddenly there was a loud shriek and Taicho broke free of my kidou. Confusion became the dominant emotion through my body as everything around me became hazy. Another more familiar shriek swept through the air and I found it increasingly difficult to cooperate with Taicho as he pulled me to my feet. All of a sudden, everything went black again._


	8. Reality of Dreams

A/N: Sorry for the delay in these paired chapters, it took some effort to keep the events inline with each other. I hope you enjoy Byakuya's view of Renji's eventful dream.

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><p>I was taking the long way home, not ready to return to my empty manor. The emptiness there holds a different atmosphere than the emptiness of the streets. The streets are always waiting to spring to life; at any moment, any commotion could set that life into motion. Be it through fear, excitement, surprise, tragedy, or even amazement, the streets ability to come alive, filled with scores of emotion, is a universal occurrence.<p>

It is that specific universality that makes it occasionally comforting to walk among them. The loneliness that the night exudes upon the streets is something I can sometimes relate to, occasionally my manor is so devoid of life it is overbearing. What the streets hold, that hidden, waiting life, reminds me that, perhaps, given the proper stimulation, I too, could be brought back to life. Lately I have been feeling as if it might really be possible.

That's when it suddenly hit me, a familiar reiatsu reaching cautiously out to mingle with mine. The moment they touched I could feel the slight tingle across my body, its fire lighting inside of me, its passion creating a haze in my mind.

"Renji?" I questioned tentatively. The reiatsu certainly felt like his but it was different in some way, determined yet confused and slightly dazed.

"Renji?" I asked again. This time I got a slight mumble in response coming from a thick tree branch that extended just over a nearby wall.

"Renji, what are you doing in a tree?" I received only mumbles in response again. "Come down from there this instant." I heard a few more mumbles followed by a small exclamation of pain. Then Renji began to fall out of the tree but he caught himself, his legs were dangling off the side of the branch.

I moved to catch him as he began to fall again; grabbing him beneath his arms, I slowed him before he crashed to the ground. He grasped desperately at my shihakusho for a moment before passing out again. His scent, so close, was overpowering, it made my body tingle and feel slightly weak. The dead weight of Renji in this clearly drunken state was a bit more than I expected at first, the surprise caused me to struggle to hold him up properly. I opted for sitting him down against a wall while I decided what to do with him and clear my head. I could not just leave him to sleep on the streets, he'd get sick and then have to miss work, in a way it was my responsibility to get him home safely, at least that's what I told myself in an effort to convince myself that I had to do this for duty and not pleasure.

After all of the wandering I'd done, I had lost track of exactly where I'd ended up. I walked down the street to the nearest intersection to find a street sign and decide exactly where I was going to take him. Unfortunately, his personal residence was the closest option; I had almost been hoping that the division quarters were closest, at least I would already know what to expect there. I turned back to Renji, only to find that he was no longer there.

I could still faintly sense him nearby; I walked towards the faint source of his reiatsu, it was not far off from where I had sat him down. An almost ominous wind blew past, rustling the leaves of the trees and causing my clothing to billow in its wake. I paused for a moment, looking up to the sky and noticing that a thick cover of clouds now blocked out most of the moons light.

Caught slightly off guard, I was suddenly swept from my feet and pulled, almost violently, into a dark alleyway. My eyes widened slightly in shock as my back was shoved against a wall and a whispered voice bound my hands above my head with kidou. My captors hand ran slowly down my arm, pausing at my neck, and then moving to my chest, while the other hand remained on my kidou restrained wrists. I could feel hot breath caressing my neck as I turned my head away. Fire ignited beneath my skin with every touch.

"Renji," I was certain that it was him. I wanted so badly to reprimand him, to tell him to stop, that this was wrong, that he shouldn't be treating his superior officer this way, that he was completely out of line but when I opened my mouth to protest he slipped a hand beneath my shihakusho and a muted moan escaped my throat instead. I was shaken by my own response to Renji's touch, yet I still couldn't seem to gain control of my own actions. Renji bent down, his hands traveling to my abdomen as he pulled the top of my shihakusho open even further, his lips caressing the bare skin of my stomach between his strong hands.

"Taicho," he almost moaned as he looked up at me through half-lidded eyes. His eyes were glazed over in a way that made him appear as if he were in another world, as if he really did not fully understand what he was doing. Still kneeling before me, he pressed his body against me as he returned to kissing and caressing my exposed skin. His chest rubbed against my groin as he reached a hand up to my face. I was helpless to stop the reaction of my body from the attention I was receiving. It had been quite some since I'd been touched like this, after all.

Renji immediately noticed my "reaction" pressing into his chest and looked up at me again, this time surprise clear on his face. I couldn't stop the blush from creeping onto my cheeks, I could only hope that it was dark enough that Renji couldn't see it. Embarrassed, I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side, hiding it in my arm. Renji turned my face back to him, his large palm resting gently on my cheek. I could see a feral desire grow beneath the haze that still existed in his eyes, that was still clouding his conscious mind.

The hand on my stomach moved lower until it rested just below my obi, the heat emanating from Renji's hand caused my erection to grow almost painfully hard; the last time I'd been this aroused I was still just a boy, I was slightly ashamed that I'd let Renji affect me this much. Even through the shame, I was powerless to stop the small moan that ghosted past my lips as Renji brushed against my length through my hakama.

"Dream…ing…" Renji mumbled. "I must be dreaming. Oh kami-sama…please don't let me wake up!"

And he really was, the haze that clouded his eyes was the haze of sleep. Renji was somewhere between sleeping and half-awake, I simply had not been able to identify it through the darkness of the night. I was about to tell Renji to stop, it wouldn't be right to let things keep going like this, especially since it was doubtful that he'd even remember it, but just as I opened my mouth to protest my words were drowned out by a loud shriek.

I broke my hands free of Renji's kidou just as I heard the woman scream no more than a few blocks away. Confusion flooded Renji's features as the sounds of life suddenly surrounded us, everyone wanted to know what was wrong. I pulled Renji to his feet and we walked to the entrance of the alleyway, still hidden by its darkness. There was another loud shriek, this one more familiar, more threatening. It was a menos.

I was ready to spring into action, to get the situation under control. I'd just leave Renji here and then come back for him after things were settled. I reached for my zanpakutou only to realize that its familiar weight wasn't there, I'd left it at home and for a reason too. Luckily I wasn't the only taicho out that night.

"NEMU!" Kurotsuchi-taicho bellowed above the crowd. "What _insolent idiot_ let this thing loose? CAPTURE it you fools! Don't kill it! I told you impudent wretches not to let it out!" Kurotsuchi- taicho ranted on and I, for once, was glad he'd been around.

I threw Renji over my shoulder and flashed away towards his personal quarters, careful to avoid being noticed by the now fully alive streets.


	9. The Beginnings of Obsession

A/N: We're back to the normal format for these next chapters, Byakuya first then Renji. This one turned out a bit shorter than I hoped but I'm really just trying to push an update out atm for those of you who have asked so kindly! I've been very busy recently, my college classes are about to start back up so updates might slow down a bit until I get used to the new semester. I apologize for not posting Byakuya and Renji's chapters together again but I hope you still enjoy this part. Renji's chapter should be up in no more than a week. If you're just _dying_ for more Bya/Ren you can check out my one-shot "In Pursuit of: The Perfect Chocolate" that I posted a little while ago, it is Yachiru centric but Bya/Ren is its basis and Arimi from this chapter is in it too. Sorry for the long AN!

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><p>I awoke to warm shafts of sunlight dancing across my room, I'd barely gotten any sleep but after years of rising early, my body protested to being in bed after the morning sun had risen past a certain point. I'd had trouble getting to sleep after my encounter with Renji. I was ashamed at how I'd allowed him to affect me, and even more so that by the time I'd gotten home I was still very aroused. The ice cold shower did not help, the warm tea and milk did not help, the walk in the garden did not help, nor did simply ignoring the problem.<p>

I was even more ashamed that I was only able to finally sleep after I'd given into my body's needs, a man of my status should not be a slave to something as simple as physical desire. The fire Renji had lit in my body was too intense, even after relieving myself, my body craved for more. I shook the thoughts of the previous night from my head as I sat up, noticing yet another intense erection. I sighed in frustration, intent on proving to my own body that I am not its slave.

I dressed slowly, carefully avoiding and ignoring the sensitive area. I skipped breakfast, much to the displeasure of my staff, and stormed out of my manor, certainly work would take my mind off of this issue. I attempted shunpo in an effort to get there more quickly but found the increased pressure that one experiences from its use to be an issue as well, I settled for walking quickly through the nearly empty streets.

I wasn't at all surprised to find the office nearly empty when I arrived. It was too early for most of the squad members to be in and I did not expect to see Renji for the whole day, he would certainly have a horrible hangover when he finally woke up, which I am certain will not be before noon at the earliest. I wouldn't scold him for being late today, because if he _does_ have any memory of last night, I do not want him to feel he's being punished for it.

I didn't understand the decision I'd made, or my reasoning behind it, Renji _should_ be punished, he _should_ feel punished, yet I couldn't bring myself to desire that for him. I could not bear to think of Renji feeling as if affection were a punishable offense. I know him well enough to predict his actions, and I do not want to see the face that I know he would make, like a beaten puppy abandoned by the only caregiver it has ever known and loved. No, I certainly did not want to be the cause of Renji looking like that; I would stick to my decision of not reprimanding him, instead I would avoid the subject altogether.

Thoughts of Renji trailed through my head all morning, every time I heard footsteps down the hall I looked up at the door, expecting the red head to come barreling through apologizing about being so late; I felt a slight unease every time it was revealed that it was not the man who ghosted through my thoughts. Though those inner expectations had made their way to the surface of my conscious, I realized they were more of something I wanted than something I truly expected, I'd already came to the conclusion several times that Renji would most likely take the day off.

With thoughts of Renji taking the forefront of my mind, my movements, actions, and expressions must have been mechanical for the entire length of the morning. I absently wondered how he was, if he was sick enough to need medical attention, if he remembered the previous night, if were just afraid to face me. When one of my house staff showed up with lunch, I was a bit surprised to find that it really was lunchtime. The young woman looked genuinely concerned as she pleaded that I accept lunch from the staff after having skipped breakfast. Reluctantly, I accepted.

Arimi was one of the few staff members that I truly liked, especially out of the younger bunch. She was competent, well mannered, respectful, behaved, quiet, shy and yet she still had confidence that allowed her to speak her mind. There were very few people who had the nerve to do such a thing in my presence; Renji and Arimi were two of the people whose names were on that short list.

"Is Renji-sama not in today?" she asked me after placing a tray of food on my desk. Normally I wouldn't allow such inquiries from staff, but Arimi warranted different treatment; she didn't look down upon my choice in company simply because of where they came from. She always tried to make Rukia feel at home and welcomed in the manor, she even extended that treatment to Renji when he visited. I appreciated that more than the work of all the other staff combined.

"No, he had a social engagement last night. I assume he is still in bed sleeping it off." I tried not to let the frustration show when I spoke of Renji, the way he effected both my emotions and physical desires was still just beyond my comprehension. That I could not wrap my mind around what I was experiencing was an annoyance at best, and threatening to become an obsession at worst.

"Would you like me to go check on him?" she offered. I was surprised by the suggestion; it must have shown in my expression because Arimi began to abruptly explain herself, attempting to disguise her true intentions. "Well you see, I brought lunch for him too, expecting him to be here with you. I'd really rather it didn't go to waste! But if you'd rather, I can look after things here and you can check on him or I can just return to the manor."

"No. That will not be necessary Arimi-san, you may take it to him if that is what you wish."

"Thank you Kuchiki-sama. Is there anything you need before I take my leave?"

"No Arimi-san, you may leave." I was not oblivious to the woman's intentions. Even as she left with no request from me to return, I expected her back at afternoon teatime, it was the only occasion left in the day that could warrant her presence. She would surely have my favorite tea prepared and a report to offer that detailed her experience with Renji.

She understood that Renji was an important person in my life, in only the way someone who shares similar relationships can. It is a given that ones immediate subordinate becomes important in some way to every superior that has one, but Arimi understood that that professional relationship will almost always bleed into a personal one as well, given enough time. Once this bleeding happens, it is natural to show concern for one you have grown close to. It's something that is often overlooked concerning myself, to the outside world, no one is of value to me.

I can only assume she noticed queue's I had unknowingly revealed when she asked about him. She seemed to understand my feelings better than I had because when she did return, as I expected, I felt oddly comforted in knowing that Renji was fine and resting comfortably. If he did remember, it did not appear that he had revealed anything to her.


	10. The Beginnings of Torment

A/N: Time for Renji's "morning after." I hope you all enjoy it and if I haven't said it already, thank you so much for the continued support I've been getting from you awesome readers, your reviews are great inspiration to keep going!

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><p>I could feel a strong, steady beat pounding in my head. Relentless was the only word that came to mind. I could hear soft rustling, but not the rustling of leaves that I expected; it was the sound of my curtains brushing against the wall with every breeze that entered the room. I could smell the fresh air as it brushed gently past the window and carried with it a faint scent of food; it must be around lunchtime. I could only assume I was home, in my own bed, but with no memory of getting there, I slowly opened my eyes to confirm. I could see the familiar ceiling above my bed, the burgundy curtains, the small wood dresser, Zabimaru's stand; yes, I was at home.<p>

I remembered drinking, hearing stories in the bar, Ikkaku's anger at the passing on of the story of his bath time encounter with Yachiru, Rangiku's teasing, the comfortable camaraderie, and the endless laughter. I vaguely remembered leaving the bar and stumbling through the streets but everything else felt completely jumbled. I couldn't wrap my head around the events that flashed through my mind.

My memories clashed against one another making the still incessant pounding in my head worsen. Each event fought for the center of my minds stage. I most remembered the sakura tree, the one I thought I'd fallen asleep in. It felt important somehow, its hidden message taking the back seat to the throbbing that threatened to make my head explode. Deciding I wouldn't be able to decipher any message, hidden or not, in my condition, I made my way to the bathroom in search of the little brown bottle in the medicine cabinet.

I opened the small glass bottle with my arms fully outstretched, wholly expecting the rancid scent to assault my senses. I almost dropped the bottle when the horrid scent made its way to my head, increasing the pounding in my skull. I couldn't help but make a face of displeasure.

After a few moments, I adjusted to the scent and was able to compose myself long enough to gulp down the contents of the bottle. It took what turned out to be an immense amount of effort to stop myself from throwing it back up; if not for that knowledge that this volatile substance would quickly bring relief, I would have failed in my efforts to keep it down. I stumbled back to my bed when I was finally sure that I could hold down the liquid.

I was ready to just go back to sleep, to just let the medicine settle and to rest my body but again the sakura tree made its image dominant in my head, so dominant that I could almost smell its delicate scent. It was then that I vividly recalled falling from a cliff and being saved by Byakuya's waiting arms, the scent in my mind mirrored the one that I had smelled while in his arms. But a cliff? How did I end up on a cliff? And why was Byakuya even there?

It didn't take me long to come to the conclusion that I was dreaming, it wouldn't be the first time I'd have dreamt of him after all. Something about it was different than the dreams he'd been in in the past though; it felt so real, so undeniably real.

Once I began to remember the other scenes that flashed through my mind I was absolutely certain that it was all just a dream, there was just no way I could have pinned Byakuya against a wall like that and lived. No way there was a massive hollow attack on seireitei last night, no way I'd fallen from a cliff after drinking and was saved by Byakuya, no way I took him by surprise and pinned him with kidou, and there is no way he'd have let me touch him like that even if I did manage to.

I could feel a violent heat pool in my groin as I recalled Byakuya's similar reaction last night. Something was definitely off about my dream, the Byakuya in my dream was somehow different than the Byakuya I'd dreamed of before, he was more perfect, more pristine, more beautiful, more _sexy_, more real. I didn't think I could have imagined events like that even in my wildest dreams, I surpassed my own expectations.

My dreams of Byakuya were almost always similar in one very defining way, the focus was always him with me tearing into his world and forcing him to relinquish control. Of course, that was a ridiculous notion though, therefore fit for a dream. The dream last night was different in every way possible; I most remembered my reaction to him, my view of him, and my amazement with him. It was almost as if he willingly relinquished to me, something I never imagined would happen.

The thought was exhilarating; a man of his status and power willingly giving himself over to me, it was far too arousing to resist the urge to give into my physical desires. I couldn't stop myself from moaning quietly when I recalled the image of Byakuya being aroused, especially since that arousal had been caused by me. Even if it were only a dream, the image of his face slightly distorted in desire was nearly enough to bring me to release on its own.

It was hard to take my time and savor these memories while I had them; I expected they would mostly fade away with time as dreams normally did. Sure, I'd recall it later but I'd never again be able to recall the images this vividly again, or the sound of his breathy, quiet moan, the way he called my name, the heat that emanated from his body even though many would expect nothing but cold from him.

I wasn't ready to let go yet, not of the memories, but I couldn't stop the hot release that spilled over my hand. Nor could I stop myself from calling out his name as I reached my climax. I wanted more, my body craved more. Once just wasn't enough. I began stroking myself again only a few short moments later.

This time my movements weren't as quick but carried more determination and strength. I replayed the entire scene in my head again starting from Byakuya catching me at the bottom of the cliff.

His scent washed over me as I remembered him holding me tightly in his arms, protecting me. I could almost feel his surprise when I remembered dashing from the dark alley to grab him and pin him to the wall, I wanted so badly to lift up his lithe form and ravish him on the spot but that wasn't how the dream went. The pristine skin of his chest was softer than I expected, I could only hope to one day see what it really felt like. When my thoughts moved toward the next part of the dream, I could feel my release nearing yet again. Just the idea of Byakuya being aroused from me touching his body was nearly more than I could handle.

I remembered bending down before him and feeling nothing but heat coming from his groin as his erection pressed into my chest. My movements sped up once more and my hot seed spilled over my hand yet again. I absently wondered if Byakuya ever pleasured himself as I wiped myself clean. The idea somehow sullied his image, I couldn't _really_ imagine Byakuya _actually_ doing that anywhere but in my fantasies.

I tried to imagine what he would think about while pleasuring himself, if he ever did. Certainly not me. He was way out of my league, there was just no way someone like him would go for someone like me. I wondered if I were letting my infatuation get out of hand, if I were letting myself be too consumed by something so unrealistic. This could be very unhealthy; especially since I was positive nothing could come of it. I really needed to take a step back.

Before I could truly come to any conclusion, I heard a light knock on my door. I panicked slightly for a moment, still dis-shelved from my recent actions. It must be someone from the division here to tell me to come to work, Taicho must have sent them. After letting me leave early yesterday I'm sure he expected me in today. I rushed to the door with my kimono folded down and hanging from my obi, fully expecting one of the guys from the office I didn't bother to pull it up to cover my bare chest.

I swung the door open and was greeted by a violent blush, wide eyes, dark hair, dark pink eyes, and a slender form complete with breasts; nope, I'd been wrong, severely wrong. Arimi turned her head away as a clumsily apologized and pulled my top up properly while explaining that I hadn't expected it to be her but actually though that Taicho was sending someone to tell me to get to work.

"Well actually Renji-sama, I _am_ here on behalf of Kuchiki-sama," the young woman admitted.

"I knew it! I better hurry or I'm going to be in deep shit!"

"Uhm well… Actually Kuchiki-sama wanted to know that you are well so I came to check on you and bring you lunch." She stepped to the side revealing a fancy food cart waiting in the doorway.

"_What?_" My mind was officially blown. This has to be some kind of trick, some kind of sick trick. Taicho would never do anything like this without ulterior motives, not for me at least.

"Lunch, Renji-sama. That is all. You are to eat this food and then recover for the rest of the day; you are expected back in the office tomorrow morning, bright and early. Taicho's orders." I really liked Arimi, she was the only Kuchiki staff member that respected me but the small woman was commanding when she really wanted to be, and I wasn't about to find out what the consequences were for disobeying her.

"Hai…" I muttered in defeat.

I spent my lunch brooding over Taicho's actions; I have the most awesome and realistic dream of my life and then this… For a moment, I wondered if maybe some of my dream wasn't a dream at all… if maybe it really happened, in part, and he's punishing me for it. He's showing me what it may be like _if_ he ever were to find affection with me, he's torturing me as my punishment…

But it's ridiculous, there's just no way that last night _really_ happened… _is there?_


	11. The Peak of Obsession

A/N: While I apologize for the extended delay, I hope this will be worth the wait. :) It's a little longer than I intended but I wanted it to be good for the awesome people that have asked for updates ^.^ Last semester was extremely busy and with college starting again don't expect any major updates any time soon, but I won't abandon the story, it just may be a while before it's finished. I'll try to get the Renji chapter out fairly soon-ish. Even though I normally post them together, I really just wanted to get this update out. So, enjoy and give review love 3

Note- in case you don't discern it from the dialogue, there is a time skip between the last chapter and here. About (maybe) 3ish months have gone by in the story. With that said, Byakuya is a bit OOC but do keep in mind this takes place after several months of intense obsession and brooding over his confusion and feelings.

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><p><strong>The Peak of Obsession<strong>

"No, Kuchiki-sama. While I do apologize for defying you, this is simply a ridiculous request," the young woman stood firm and unwavering in my presence.

"It is not a request Arimi-san, this is an order," I demanded of her.

"No sir. I am your attendant, a sort of assistant if you will, not your slave. I have a right to refuse assignments if they go against my morals. Your requests these past few months have been absurd at best." Her normally understanding, kind, dark-pink eyes were stern and confident in her insubordination.

"If you do not want to obey and work for me there are plenty of others out there that would give limbs to have your job!"

"Look at yourself Kuchiki-sama!" she raised her voice to match the volume of my own. "You're helplessly obsessed! You would have never yelled at your attendants in this manner several months ago, especially not me, and you would have never made requests such as this one."

"I shall file the paperwork to have you relieved of duty immediately. I put up with a lot from you but your insubordination is going too far now!"

"Threaten me all you want but you won't do it, we've been through this at least 4 times in the past month alone. I will not go spy on Renji for you; you know this has nothing to do with his declining work ethic—which you have caused—it's simply to further fuel your obsession."

"How dare you accuse me of causing Renji these problems? If anything, I have been a godsend to that man; I've done nothing but be kind to him, out of character even, and what has he done in return? Nothing! He does nothing but reject the kindness I have offered him." I could feel my anger flushing my face and clouding my vision.

"No, you are only being kind for your own benefit, not his. If it were for his benefit you would do things that _he_ wanted or needed, not things _you_ think he needs. It's been completely selfish! Renji doesn't want your servants watching him as he sleeps—I'm certain he thinks you're having him watched because you don't trust him. He doesn't want his every meal prepared—he'll feel like you believe he cannot care for himself. He doesn't want his paperwork taken care of by others—it makes him look incompetent if he's not even able to do his own work. Renji is a man and you're treating him like a child rather than someone you fancy." Arimi ranted for several minutes about my decline in professionalism, my increase in ease of agitation, and my inability to control my emotions anymore.

"Renji hates paperwork," I retorted. "He hates cooking, cleaning, working, and being ordered around. I've relieved him of a great many of those things!" I defended myself vehemently; my pride wouldn't allow me to accept the scolding of a servant, even if it were my personal assistant and head of staff.

"Forget it! Don't bother with firing me, I'm quitting! Your obsession has blinded you to everything. You can't see the mistakes you're making nor the changes I've made in this house since my promotion. It was all for nothing! Goodbye Kuchiki_-san_." I could hear the light stomping of Arimi leaving the room and the doors slamming in her wake as she made her way out of the manor, the sound growing more quiet with each slam.

The rest of the evening was quiet and I tried to fall back into what had become my routine. I did some paperwork for the clan, which included filling out Arimi's release from duty forms; I couldn't quite bring myself to file them at that point though. When the paperwork was finished, I took my bath, though the water was colder than I was used to. I had called for some servants to come heat it for me but they were all too shy come inside while I was bathing.

By the time my cold bath was over, my agitation was on the rise and my dinner being late was not helping at all. It did not take me long to notice the incompetence of all of my staff members. I couldn't help but wonder what could have changed them so drastically in less than a day, everything had been fine at breakfast. When my dinner was finally served, it was not only late but the taste was subpar as well.

Something is severely wrong in this manor today…I thought to myself as I made my way to my sleeping quarters to prepare for bed.

There was but one part of my routine left unfinished, but without Arimi here it couldn't be helped that it remain unfinished until morning. As head of staff, it had been her responsibility to make sure everything was in order before bedtime, which included gathering reports from Renji's guards and delivering them to me so that I could read them before sleeping. As I removed my status symbols—kenseikan, scarf, zanpakutou, haori—I realized that I wasn't at all tired. It had been several months since I'd slept without reading an evening report.

I couldn't have explained why even if I would have wanted to, but I felt a need to see at least something of Renji before I slept. As I locked away my status symbols in the same small kidou chest that I'd left them in months ago, I had a slight sense of déjà vu.

This is precisely how it all began…I thought to myself as I slipped quietly out the back exit of my manor and into the shadows of the streets. The same quiet permeated the streets, the kind ready to burst into life at any commotion, as it had on the night I'd discovered a drunken Renji hanging helplessly from a sakura tree. Parts of me wished I could go back to that night.

Go back and take a different path through the streets, one that wouldn't lead to a violent assault on my long neglected physical senses. Renji invaded me while I was vulnerable; infatuation was blown out of proportion because he reciprocated just enough to light a fire inside of me. These strong emotions are difficult to contain, even beneath my once perfected mask of stoicism. But other parts of me…they still yearn to go back too, though the reason is entirely different. My body yearns to feel his warm touch again, gently caressing my flesh as it's exposed to the cool air of the night; the intensity and determination behind his actions drowning out my apprehension and caution. My mind wishes it away while my body wishes only for more.

As I approached Renji's place of residence I heightened the mask on my reiatsu, just outside of what I knew to be the furthest distance that Renji could read reiatsu from. I snuck into the alley behind Renji's house to avoid the guards that I'd assigned him and quietly jumped the small fence. Sticking to the shadows, I made my way up to a small window. I could hear Renji inside. A pencil scratching lightly at rough paper made a soft, steady, almost soothing sound. Curious if I would be able to see what Renji was drawing, I planted my feet flat on the ground causing the small gravel beneath the window to crunch lightly as I halfway stood up.

"What was that...?" Renji muttered to himself. "Good for nothing guards...wish they'd just go on home."

I recalled Arimi mentioning that the guards were too much for Renji as I watched him wander to the sliding door that lead to his small backyard and poke his head out.

"Shit...coulda' swore I felt Taichou just a minute ago..."

I found it interesting that Renji so freely spoke to himself during his alone time; I was pleased to have gathered this new information about him, though any would have sufficed. He sat back down at the small table and continued his work in the less than sizeable kitchen. His muscles flexed lightly beneath his skin with each stroke of his pencil; I couldn't help but stare in wonder. I'd never been any good at art. Apparently pleased with his work, Renji leaned back and held the paper up in front of him.

I could only just make out the sketch's dark lines and soft colors. The scene on the paper vaguely resembled the 6th division main office, though in a state of extreme disarray. Papers were scattered across the floor, pictures knocked from their hinges, a desk tipped over in the background. A slight, dark haired male was bent over the remaining desk, his clothing torn open exposing him to the tall man with a wolfish grin that loomed over him. A few tears dripped from the smaller man's eyes; he looked to be struggling against the bindings that held his wrists in place.

Renji laid the paper back on the table and continued to lightly sketch at the paper for a few minutes. When he once again held the paper up for reviewing, I knew what the scene was intended to be. The now bright red hair and dark tattoos of the taller man were a dead giveaway. I hadn't noticed the first time, but the color of the material binding the smaller man's wrists scarily resembled that of my family heirloom scarf. Renji was defiling me.

"There, all finished." He turned toward the wall that housed the window I was evaluating through causing me to quickly duck below the lower frame.

"Now that that's out of my head I can finally take care of this problem..." I could hear his footsteps approach my hiding spot.

_Problem? What problem? Certainly he doesn't know of my presence_... I felt the light pressure of a basic deception kidou and heard a screen fade away seconds later. I heard a quick ripping sound then Renji smoothing his hands over the paper on the wall. When I heard him walk back toward the table and pull the chair out, I dared to peek inside again. Much to my displeasure, he was no longer there.

I waited for a few minutes without any signs of life from inside. Just as I was about to leave, the lights dimmed slightly and Renji emerged from the other room wearing a sleeping yukata tied dangerously loose and low around his waist. The dark lines of his tattoos, his golden skin, and toned abs teased from behind the thin covering. He turned the chair he'd been drawing in toward the wall where he'd hung his work, toward me.

_What is he doing?_ I wondered.

"Hmm," he blushed lightly. "This collection's gotten pretty big...but I guess Yoruichi-san was right. Getting these fantasies out of my head and onto paper really does help relieve the frustration of it." I was beginning to question his sanity, for speaking so much with no one around, when I finally realized what he was doing. "No way man...you're crazy Zabimaru, that'll never happen. I don't care what you say he says, it's just not true. He hates me, treats me like a child, and it's only gotten worse. Now shut up will ya' I'm trying to do something here."

Though his methods were odd I couldn't blame him, it sometimes gets lonely being a shinigami, and zanpakutou can offer companionship in a way. However, I was more curious about what he had planned in such revealing attire than I was about his musings with his sword. Renji huffed lightly, presumably at his zanpakutou, before sitting in the chair that now faced me and the wall he'd displayed the picture on. The light, nearly translucent yukata draped delicately over Renji's figure and fell slightly open between his long legs, which he stretched out with a small sigh of relief as his arms extended above his head and his head fell over the back of the chair, pulling the thin fabric further open.

_Was he naked beneath the yukata? _I wondered. I couldn't imagine what he was doing there in the small kitchen displaying himself like that. It was sinuous in such a subtle way. I couldn't imagine anyone other than Renji making a simple stretch so _sexy._ As he sat there, unmoving, his earlier words crossed my mind- "_he hates me, treats me like a child…"_ –it wasn't something I'd expected to hear. After my earlier argument with Arimi, I could only assume he was talking about me. _If Renji does indeed feel that I hate him, why would he draw pictures of himself with me in such a state…doing such things? I don't want Renji to feel that way…_

That realization made me truly consider my position and what I was doing. I considered the possibility of Arimi being right, she wasn't the only one who'd noticed changes in my personality as of late after all. Only a few days ago Ukitake-san had mentioned that I'd gotten some of my youthful fire back, not that I fully understood what he'd meant at the time. _My behavior has been completely out of line if I'm allowing others to see my weaknesses. _

I wanted to leave, to go home, and take back everything I'd done. I was ready to turn and shunpo away when something caught my attention. Renji shook his crimson tresses and slowly, sinfully slow, pulled the loose knot from his obi. He dropped the tie and let the light fabric of his yukata drift open displaying his now nearly naked body. I was powerless to tear my eyes away from the sight before me. Renji's body was perfect, I wanted nothing more than to ravish him as I'd done in my fantasies, which I'd lost the ability to suppress somewhere in the past months.

I could do nothing beyond stare as he focused on the wall in front of him and spread his legs open giving me a full view of his most private body parts. I wasn't surprised to see the crimson, just darker than his hair, lining his manhood. I'd caught glimpses many, many years ago during missions, but I was surprised by his already erect member. His focus on what was in front of him intensified as he snaked a hand down his toned chest and grasped at his arousal. I could see the small shine of the pre-cum that seeped from his manhood as he began to stroke lightly. I could feel my own member growing painfully hard and pressing against my hakama. During my lesser moments, I'd learned this was best taken care of rather than ignored as I once tried to do.

Renji began stroking a bit faster and breathing a bit harder as he closed his eyes, leaning his head back once again. I couldn't stop the urge to reach down and at least stroke myself from inside my hakama. It was increasingly difficult to keep my reiatsu hidden but I concentrated as much as my mind would allow while watching Renji's sinfully dexterous fingers move up and down, eliciting small moans of pleasure from his equally sinful mouth. It took all of my power to keep from doing the same.

An especially loud moan escaped from Renji's throat as he once again increased his pace. I could feel my own release nearing, the sights and sounds of Renji hindering my ability to pace myself.

"B-Bya-" he stuttered as he threw his head back. "Bya~kuya~" he moaned as his white seed shot onto his bare chest. Hearing my given name from his lips, nearly dripping saliva, as he finished pleasuring himself was too much for me, I couldn't stop my own release only seconds later; I'd given more of myself away to my urges than I'd though I had.

I felt like a schoolboy, unable to control myself and giddy with the desire for more. I was pleased when I noticed that Renji didn't appear to be finished either. He ran his strong fingers through the mess he'd made on himself and gingerly licked at their tips. _Oh that's just sinful…I wonder what it tastes like though…_

"Hmm…" Renji mused languidly. "I wonder what his tastes like…probably sweeter than mine…" his gaze ran across the wall that hid my presence, worrying me for a second, but he paid no mind to the window. As Renji began to run his hands through the remaining seed on his chest, I could see his length already perking up again. I was ready for another show but my senses caught track of someone approaching. Apparently, Renji had noticed the same thing. He sighed and pulled his yukata closed as he rushed out of the kitchen.

_Was he expecting company? _I wondered. Certainly he couldn't be, not with that sort of behavior. But sure enough I could then hear footsteps approaching his doorway only moments later. Rather than stick around and risk being caught trying to leave later, I rushed away to go home and gather my scattered thoughts. I didn't even try to see who had been at his door at such a late hour.


End file.
